Losing and Regaining My Zen in the Philippines

Holding onto the peace and stillness I had found in Thailand and looking forward to our next Airbnb had me feeling very hopeful! We were headed to Cabilao Island near Bohol, Philippines. We had begun messaging with the host in November of 2024. It was now March of 2025. We had asked every question imaginable, sometimes twice or in different ways to make sure we knew what we were walking into.

Cabilao has a population of less than 5,000 and our house was positioned on a beautiful  white sand beach with the bluest water you’ve ever seen and no visible neighbors. The pictures showed a basic wooden house, not fancy at all. We didn’t expect air conditioning but we had fans. None of us cared. We dreamed of falling asleep to the sound of waves and waking up to a private beachfront. We were assured that even though there wasn’t much infrastructure on most of the island, our house had reliable high speed internet because they used self contained solar power. This is very important since we all work online.

We were very clear that the island—small enough to walk across in about an hour—had no grocery stores. There were a few snack shops, but nothing you’d actually want to cook! In fact, the driver who picked us up at the airport took us to a big grocery store on Bohol before we boarded the boat to our new place. Over four months of communication, we’d been reassured repeatedly that we’d have no trouble buying local produce, eggs, and fish on the island. We were all looking forward to eating so healthily. The plan was to buy fresh local food and take a weekly boat trip for other supplies.

Well, you know what they say about the best-laid plans… Ours went awry fast.

I’ll start by saying we’d traveled cheaply—meaning two flights with a layover in the middle of the night—so we were exhausted by the time we hit the grocery store. Overwhelmed, I struggled to decide what to buy and ended up with very few supplies. The boat ride across, though, was through stunning water, and we started to get excited again.

When we arrived, it looked just like the pictures on Airbnb, which doesn’t always happen! It was awesome because the boat pulled directly up to our house! Feeling pretty happy about our luck we entered the house with a local woman who is also the caretaker and showed us all of the important details about the house. We put our stuff away and immediately found 3 strikes against us!

1. The internet wasn’t stable. I messaged the host, who reassured me (after a few hours) that he was "looking into it" and would send someone to fix it.

2. No visible neighbors, but… There were always several men (and sometimes the caretaker, who also worked as the boat dispatcher) on the beach directly in front of the house, along with 1–3 boats. Their conversations drowned out the natural sounds we’d been craving. We did slip into our bathing suits to enjoy the beautiful water, but it felt awkward with them there—not the private beach vibe we’d been promised.

3. The food situation was dire. After a quick exploration and chat with the caretaker, we learned no one was selling fish or eggs, and the "produce" available was very limited and looked ancient. NOT. FRESH. AT. ALL.

In our tired state, we knew we had no choice. This had happened before, and it might happen again. Time to hustle on Airbnb and find an alternative! This was tough because we’d chosen this part of the Philippines specifically for this house and its private beach. We knew almost nothing about Bohol or its smaller islands.

This is when I started to lose my zen. This is when I got cranky. This is when I forgot everything I knew was good for me and created a time to look back on, grateful that Chelsea had kept herself together! Remember, we booked this place 4 months in advance and now we were trying to find something that accommodated all of our needs for a month at the very last minute. It wasn’t going to be perfect but we had to find something to go to within 24 hours so we could get out of our Airbnb contract easily. Chelsea found the best option on nearby Panglao Island but I kept at it, trying to find someplace else because there were things about this place I knew I would hate.

1. My bedroom was just big enough to fit a bunk bed with a narrow walkway along its side and no windows.

2. I would be working at a desk in the hallway, again with no natural light.

3. The closest beach was about a 45 minute bike ride away (or a scooter trip—Chelsea was determined to learn to drive one, while I’d ride shotgun with Andrés). I had zero interest in driving, and the idea of being stuck inside so much was bringing me down

When it became clear nothing better existed, we booked the two-story townhouse in a gated community (far from the beach). Our Cabilao host was so understanding I suspected he’d been through this before. The next day, we moved—but my bad mood didn’t lift as quickly.

The new place was in a guarded community (a nice bonus—those guys helped us out more than once). Half the townhouses stood empty, and the area felt unnaturally quiet, though lush greenery waited just outside the gates. At least our unit had potted plants out front.

Stepping inside we found the smallest place we have had the joy of sharing:

• Downstairs: A single room crammed with a kitchen (zero counter space—I’m not kidding!), a sofa and chairs, a dining table and chairs, and walls lined with shelves of baskets, games, candles, plants, and books. So many books! Beautifully displayed, but swallowing the already-small space. The bathroom and laundry room were also downstairs, at least well-stocked.

• Upstairs: One decent-sized bedroom with windows and a desk. Chelsea and Andrés kindly offered it to me, but I’d have felt guilty and selfish taking it. The logical move was for me to take the bunk-bed room—just enough space for an 18-inch walkway and a tiny spot to stack clothes (after relocating books to other shelves). With no windows, I relied on AC and slept with the door open so I wouldn’t dry out. I wasn’t comfortable and I felt grumbly and cranky.

My workspace in the hallway was a desk covered by, you guessed it-books (and plants and knick knacks), which was fine once I stuck them on the hallway shelves, tucking them in with the other books! I begin teaching at 6 am and I felt bad that I was just outside their door while they were sleeping. Even worse, when they wanted to use the hallway that had to duck down to stay out of my screen. It was actually pretty funny watching them crawl around. The tiny hall had another set of bunkbeds, these were tiny, for little kids and a tv mounted on the wall.

I want to say that for a maximalist this house was perfect. The problem is that I’m a minimalist and I felt trapped in clutter. Beautifully displayed clutter but I really longed for an empty anything! It wasn’t just full of (mostly) useful stuff but it was clean and beautifully decorated. Not only that, our host was more than accommodating with anything we wanted or needed. I asked for the closest place to buy coconuts and she brought us two huge ones and told us where to get more. She anticipated a possible power shut off and brought us a big battery. She saw that we were using a fan to dry our clothes in the laundry room and ordered and set up a big outdoor rack. She was never in our faces but she was always super helpful.

It took me about two days of real negative feelings to realize that I was letting my situation rob me of my peace and that I would be here for another 25 days. I refused to spend that time miserably so I actively began acknowledging every thing positive about my life. There are so many really-most everything from good health, to a job I love, to my daughter, sons and son-in-law who love me. Even things within that house-a bed to sleep in, a great host, stairs with sensor lights so you don’t kill yourself going to the bathroom in the middle of the night!

I spent a great deal of time looking at where I was in every moment and taking in the good. Sometimes it was easier to see…Panglao had the bluest water I’ve ever seen on the whitest sand! Snorkeling with a school of sardines filled me with joy! Other times I had to look at the four walls and be grateful for the air conditioning. I know most people already are but I love open windows and cross ventilation.

I spent the rest of my time in Panglao feeling very good. I had found my peace. I started to think of my room as cozy and feel comfortable in my workspace. I started to appreciate the tiny kitchen’s oven (I usually only have a stove top these days) and baked some cookies for a change.

Chelsea learned how to drive the scooter pretty quickly and we went to the beach often. I reveled in the clear bright blue water and white sand. I snorkeled with a giant school of sardines and swam in a cave with bats flying overhead. I drank fresh coconut water and ate the meat inside almost everyday and kept myself full of peace for the rest of my time in Panglao.

I loved the Philippines and highly recommend you go check it out!