Part 5.b:Putting on a Brave Face

The holidays without family. This was going to be hard but I picked the perfect place to do it.

I was trying my best to stay on a budget and I remembered telling my kids about Workaway as they were reaching adulthood. Workaway is a website where you can apply to do volunteer work around the world for room and board. None of my kids decided to try it but it seemed like a good idea for my situation. So while I was still in Sosua I signed up and started looking for locations. I needed a plan and had one for after Colombia.

I got on a plane to Panama City and then took a bus to Nueva Gorgona, a sleepy little Pacific beach town a few hours away. Just outside of town, right on the beach was Punta Malibu. Their website pictures are 100% accurate so I won't post interior photos here. This place is beautiful and right on the beach. I was brought on to simply cook for the owner and maybe occasionally for a guest if they wanted something-which I was told wouldn't happen often as most units had full kitchens, a few just outdoor barbecue cooking, and we were mostly off season so would only have guests weekends and holidays (Christmas/New Year).

The day after I arrived the owner became seriously ill and was hospitalized. It was a stomach problem and he ended up being away for most of my stay. In and out of the hospital a few times, not really able to eat when he was home. My original job description changed radically but I didn't mind.

I was now Kelly's assistant. Kelly was the only employee, she lived on site full time and guess what...She was from Cali, the city in Colombia I had just fallen in love with! She didn't speak English and laughed at my Spanish but we became fast friends! We cooked together and often shared recipes from our own backgrounds. I helped with the little bit of cleaning that needed to be done when guests left but it really was off season and we filled a few units on the weekends and holidays, just as I had been told would happen.

I mostly tried to pretend like the holidays weren't happening. Of course I talked with my family and had them open gifts I had sent while I watched my two oldest kids, my husband and dogs on a facetime call with the background of the Pennsylvania home I had lived in for 25 years. On New Year's Eve I went to bed early but Stevie (my youngest who lives in California) called me at minutes before midnight and I ended up having a New Year's facetime call on the roof watching fireworks.

Most of the time I swam and walked on the beach. Miles of so few people that it was almost a private beach! I saw the most amazing sunsets I have ever seen every single evening there. Having spent much of my youth in Los Angeles, I was shocked to find that the Pacific Ocean was warm! The sand, a mix of light brown and black with glittery sparkles mesmerized me with the designs it created during lower tides. The ocean came right up to the building at high tides so I felt like I was on a boat! The ever present sound of the waves, one of my favorite sounds (second only to a baby's laugh!) was peaceful and calming.

I painted a mural at Punta Malibu and a couple from The States living part time in Nueva Gorgona saw it and hired me to paint at their house too! That made me feel good since I was missing my favorite creative outlet as much as I was missing the whole life I knew for so long. I continued with my support group, individual counseling and joining Dave's counseling when he allowed it. I did a lot of writing and talking with Dave. Things seemed to be getting worse, rather than better as I had been hoping for.

When my time was over at Punta Malibu I went to Panama City for about a week and explored. I stayed in a high rise apartment. It was an airbnb that I shared with another guest and it was walking distance to...so much. I walked a lot...the shore is not for swimming there but it is perfect for walking and bike riding. Something great happened one day...I facetimed my oldest son, Nicholas because I saw so many things I thought he would love in the city. While we were talking, my (and Chelsea's for a little while) next door neighbor from the DR, Kevin came riding up on a bike! ME: KEVIN!!!! HEY MAN!!! HOW ARE YOU??? I introduced him to Nicholas then hung up to call Chelsea. Chelsea: KEVIN!!!! HEY MAN!!! HOW ARE YOU??? It was really fun to run into a fellow traveler in another country! Back in Sosua Kevin and I had shared some good food and some good conversation and of course a love for Smiley! I definitely learned my best ocean photography angle from him too! I haven't seen him again but hey Kevin, if you're reading this, I've got my eyes peeled! And If you haven't seen Part 3.b of this blog go check out all the pictures of Smiley! I know you miss him too!

Sadly, just before I left Panama, Dave and I realized that our marriage was over. We started the divorce process, something I never believed possible. At times I thought my life was over. It wasn't. A new chapter was beginning. It would be a long time before I really knew that. I didn't really know what laid ahead of me much beyond that I was about to spend the next month with Chelsea, and boy was I ready to hug her!